Saturday, July 14, 2007

~*...erotic art, big sausages, and yeehaw...*~

randnorm pikcha

randnorm mind grenade
"it's better to see God in everything than to try to figure it out." - sri neem karoli baba

randnorm video


normdate 13.7.7

graham came to visit me this weekend. i love it when he visits. he is a breath of fresh air for me, he is family to me. he is my piece of ontario here in alberta. he loves coming to see me in calgary too. we get silly, dorky, laughy, and nerdy together. we'll break out in song randomly, start dancing in the middle of nowhere for no apparent reason, and just be our silly selves.

graham is just a good person to have around.

graham and i went to an erotic art show held at the artpoint gallery and studios here in calgary. i had no idea what to expect. erotic art? what's that, and how is it different from porn? we were about to find out.

erotic art shows include bellydancing...

...and goths

...and pleather

...and food

...and fire dancers

oh yah, and erotic art

you can really work up an appetite looking at erotic art, so as is tradition when graham comes to town, we went to tubby dog. the special was the buck mcoy II: a ukey (ukranian sausage) on a bed of maple baked beans topped with mustard, ketchup, hasbrowns, a sausage patty, a fried egg, bbq sauce and space cheese. yeah, its a whole lotta sausage, so graham and i split it.

kristin loathes tubby dog. ever since that one night where we hung out there for two hours, she has a severe hate on for tubby dog. i guess a hot dog joint with a dj and cartoons projected on the walls isn't her thang...but her boyfriend, hitoshi, was in town and wanted to soak up a little stampede action, so they met up with us at tubby dog. kristin actually ate a hot dog! then we cruised the red mile (17th ave) and hitoshi got to experience the largest concentration of cowboy hats in the world ;)

this is closest you will ever get to seeing kristin in a cowboy hat.

saying goodbye to kristin's friend at the yardhouse

randnormly running into my friend spark

a good erotic, tubby dog filled night of yeehaw!


Thursday, July 12, 2007

~*...the calgary stampede...*~

randnorm pikcha

randnorm mind grenade
never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction. - cowboy proverb

randnorm video

corb lund - the truck got stuck
mighty neighbourly. nighty neighbourly.

every year, for ten daze, the not so little city of calgary becomes host to what has been called the greatest outdoor show on earth: the calgary stampede. i have never seen more horses, more cowboy hats, more hay, more yeehaw, more yahoo, in my entire life. it is the highest concentration of cowboy spirit you will ever find in one place for the duration of the stampede. it is one huge cowboy party, and being the stampede virgin i was, i decided to take it all in. let's just say that it was one hell of a party.

normdate 6.7.7

it seems that native calgarians are sick of the stampede, and do their best to avoid the city and the shenanigans that take place. okay, maybe not every person in the city.

the downtown core shuts down for the stampede parade. all of the oil and gas companies, which pretty much makes up most of the downtown skyscrapers, close their doors and give their workers a paid day off to enjoy the parade and the stampede celebrations.

i was on the ctrain heading to work when i decided to see what all the parade hullabaloo was about.

most windows in the city get into the stampede spirit.

the theme of stampede this year was in support of breast cancer research, which meant that there was a lot of pink in this town. the wrangler slogan for the week was "are you tough enough to wear pink?"

as i noticed all the pink cowboys, i couldn't help but think to myself "you do realize how gay a pink cowboy is don't you?" i guess the pink theme was good news for the fags in calgary, cause they'd fit right in. there is even a gay rodeo here. yup, the alberta rockies gay rodeo association have their own rodeo, but it does happen one week before the actual stampede ;)

i had never seen more horses in my life than in the calgary stampede parade.

the only bull riding i saw

the parade was full of many diverse floats

even bonhomme was there

of course there were marching bands

every race can wear a cowboy hat...even chinese!

...and phillipinas

...and english birds visiting from dubai

as i sneakily took the above pikcha, she tapped me on the shoulder and said "you know you're going to have to pay me for that pikcha." busted! so i said "here is my card. come find me, i'll send you the pikcha, then you can tell me how much i owe." ;)

normdate 7.7.7.

yes, today was the luckiest day of the century. 7/7/7 or maybe 7/7/77 is even luckier. it was also the birthday of the dalai lama.

some businesses close for stampede, others close for the birthday of the dalai lama.

a big stampede tradition is the stampede breakfast. pancakes and sausage or bacon are served every morning across the city, FOR FREE! yup, all you have to do is show up and you'll get served free breakfast. its a hippie's dream, you just gotta know where they are happening. thank god for ;)

i was fortunate enough to come across a stampede breakfast in kensington, so i decided to experience my first real stampede breakfast.

of course there was music provided by a three piece band playin' from the flat bed of a pickup truck. its only right...;)

yee fukkin haw!

our kensington shop is currently undergoing a facelift, which provided excellent advertising space for our stampede hoedown on monday with the swollen members.

i spent the rest of the day escaping the stampede with kristin and her grandma's extended family surrounded by the rockie mountains in canmore. any opportunity to be in the mountains i'll take. yes, they really do rule that much.

normdate 9.7.7

the source stampede party was going down at tequila nightclub. we closed up the warehouse early just for the ocassion, read to get our drink on early. i arrived at the club just after 4pm and met up with my boss and the manager of our kensington shop. being the only ones there so goddam early, we decided to get drunk. jagerbombs anyone?

the club started to fill up around 7pm. i was already half in the bag by that time. hooray free booze! hooray stampede!

partyin' with a bunch of skateboarders and snowboarders with open bar gets messy real fast.

when your boss is smashed on a monday night and all of the staff from the shops are also smashed, its a pretty good sign that productivity the next day will be at an annual low. stampede...fuck yeah!

by the time the sun set, which is about 10:30pm 'round these parts in the summer, i was kinda drunk. free booze has that effekt on me. my friend daemond joined me at the club, and more debuchery ensued.

daemond had this crazy notion that we should go pick up some chicks near the stampede ground and bring them back to the club before the swollen members took the stage. supposedly, stampede is the easiest time of the year to pick up chicks, especially scantilly clad slutty ones. i needed some fresh air so i agreed to join him on this silly adventure. i was of no use though, as i just sat outside the stampede grounds watching daemond attempt to convince girls to join us for the free show.

unsuccessful, we began our journey back to the club. daemond was not too impressed that i didn't help him out, or that most of the girls were underage so they couldn't join us at the club anyways. in addition to me being too drunk to help him out, i'm just not a "hey dude, lets go pick up chicks" kind of guy.

on our walk back, daemond approached a young woman and actually asked "are you over 18?" when she answered yes, he was about to ask her if she wanted to join us at tequila for the swollen members show when she saw me and yelled out "norm!" turns out daemond was trying to pick up nikki, my next door neighbour, or at least she was for about a month. she was on her way home from work. it wasn't a difficult task convincing her to join us for a free concert at tequila.

the swollen members took the stage around 12:30, and they surprisingly killed it!



just in case you have no idea who the swollen members are, or just forgot, here is the video for breath feturing nelly furtado

moka only wasn't there, but prevail substituted with ganja only.

girls dancin' on tables + canadian hip hop + free booze = one messy stampede monday

nikki couldn't resist a body shot from the well endowed bar staff

big ups to the source for hostin this bumpin monday night event (and for the free booze). props to the swollen members for a killer show. and to my monday night partners in crime, nikki and dae, big up yous'elf. what a memorable way to start my stampede week.

normdate 11.7.7

angel decided to get into the stampede spirit today and rock the cowgirl steez. no hat, but the bandana and cowboy boots did look hawt on her. seizing the opportunity, a randnorm photo shoot followed.

my boss's truck was outside, so we took advantage of the flatbed and continued our shoot.

kristin's company stampede party was goin' down at the infamous cowboys bar starting at lunch time. my boss' wife works with kristin, so he was also going. more gettin' smashed with the boss. yeehaw!

cowboys is a very large club, and it triples in size during stampede. the club takes over the adjacent parking lot and turns it into an outdoor venue worthy of the stampede!

country music, stetson hats, daisy dukes and cowboy bootz. i had never seen anything like it before in my life.

they even truck in hay for a true barnyard experience

cowboys bar is one of those rare establishments that will pay for the female employees' boob jobs. hey, big titties and cowboy hats are good for business. this particular busty number was takin full advantage of her employer's investment and turned them into a hefty profit.

for only $10, she would stand on a stool, pour a shot in your mouth then rub her bodacious tatas in your face. degrading to women or smart business woman? you decide.

i've seen body shots before, but i've never seen someone do so many in such a short period of time. it was like she was making a wage of $10 minute, and she was always busy. i wouldn't be surprised if she made enough money to buy a car by the end of the night.

it was ridiculous how much money was being spent. thousands of people gettin smashed and soakin' up the stampede vibes at cowboys. good thing for us, our booze and food bill was being paid for by cyries energy. thank you oil and gas!

this woman loves stampede

this dude has cowboy attitude

the cowboys bar slogan

this dood roolz

takin' a little break from the farm for some stampede shenanigans

the goddess providing the country riddimz

the band

daemond's sister, destiny, was visiting from grenada where she is studying to be a veterinarian. knowing that it would be difficult for her to truly describe what stampede at cowboys is like to her friend back in grenada, she tasked me with a mission: take pikchaz of as many waitresses as possible, especially the ones with the work bought boobs. sheed, i was doing that already, and the bar staff were very accomodating to me and my camera.

and just when you thought you've seen enough cowboy hats and fake boobs, the hawaiin tropics bikini contest got underway.

lucky for me, i was right up in the front with the judges, which gave me an excellent vantage point to take pikchaz.

i find the reactions of the crowds just as exciting as the women themselves...almost ;)

alright, i'm all for a hot bod, long legs, and big boobs...but after seeing 40 contestants in the same bathing suit, not to mention the bar staff, i kinda lost interest. so instead i started looking at shoes, and judging the contestants based on their choice of footwear. i'm such a fag sometimes.

this contestant's ink was more beautiful to me than her fake boobs.

this girl won. i think the judges made the right choice.

the awards ceremony

we had been drinkin' since noon, and at 11pm we still had many drink tickets left. so we rounded up a krew and drank the remainder of our free booze in shots.

our evening wasn't over yet. we stumbled out of cowboys and made our way to the ship and anchor where my friend fred was cooking midnight stampede breakfast. it was exactly what my body needed after 11hours of drinking.

beatz were bumpin across the street at sal's, which is where our ricockulous wednesday celebrations came to an end...after shakin' our asses to a few songs, of course. i don't remember where i got the balloons from. i was a bit drunk.

i jumped into a taxi and called it a night.

stampede is a lot of fun if you're willing to put on a hat that you may not usually wear, and rock it like you always wear one, dance to music that you would never buy, and embrace your inner cowboy. its a whole lot of yeehaw and yahoos, and a stompin' good (drunken) time.