~*...pilgrimmage to the left coast...*~

sunday, december 25, 2005
toronto, ontario
2:57pm

and so it begins. right meow i am travelling at 376mph at an altitude of 11,139ft. 402mph....mwahaha! hey, aren't we in canada? we're metric not imperial, eh?

i'm writing in my journal, right here, right meow, capturing this moment in words and pen strokes. i am listening to air farina...god i love this disc.

i was thinking about how much i time and effort it takes to blog my life. sometimes it takes more time to blog it than to live it. sitting down in front of a pc to record what i've already done is a lot of work. what i started noticing is that blogging my life is, or has been, me sitting down, trying to remember what i did, and putting it into words to share with people like you. it was actually my scrapbooks that reminded me that my blog is simply remembering what i did instead of capturing a moment. that's what my scrapbookz are, moments captured within its pages. kinda like a photograph of people's minds. so instead of sitting down and trying to give shape to past memories in words and keystrokes, i thought i'd actually take a pen and paper and capture the moment as it happens. what you are reading is an echo of what i'm experiencing right now. less "i did this" and more "i'm doing this". right meow, i'm looking out the window of my plane at a beautiful and radiant sun. my head is above the cloude, and it is clear and beautiful here.

522mph and on my way to edmonton. merry clitoris and happy shit to me! i am exhausted, excited, fatigued, elated.

i'm really doing it. i'm following my dreams and beginning a new and incredible chapter of my life.

"gotta do what we came to do" is the repeating chorus of the song i'm listening to right meow.

what an intense christmas. at 7:42am this morning, my friend nomi gave birth to a healthy baby girl. the baby was, is, 7lbs 4oz....i guess they really don't grow that fast in 7 hours huh? her name is payton qualls.

congrats nomi and jeff. i know that parker is excited to have a baby sister.

i'm tired and exhausted. nap time. welcome to my olife.

edmonton, alberta
6:10pm

holy shit i wsa tired. i closed my eyes and next thing i knew i was in edmonton....man this airport is an eye sore. you can definitely tell i'm not in toronto anymore, and its not just because i'm the only jamasian dredi here. i guess i better get used to it, cause i sure ai'nt in kansas anymore.

my mommy made me a little food care package that i am currently munching on. no food on west jet flights, i had to bring my own. i've got three sammiches left, some pancakes, cookies, clementines, and a frozen ipod :(

off to gate 18 for the last leg of my journey to vansterdam.

merry clitoris and happy shit to all!

edmonton, alberta
7:00pm
seast 4f

this is hands down the most nutz thing i have ever done in my life. 2005 has been the year of turning my life upsidedown, the year of rotating my canvas. i thought the burn was life changing, but not even the playa comes close to how overwhelming and life altering it is packing up your life into two bags and moving to the other side of the country. oh, and then i've involved you in helping me decide where i should live. what better way to start off this adventure than picking my life up and moving to a place youd ecide for me. actually, i'm the one incontrol. the options i give you are mine to give. i just have to make sure that i'm happy with doing optiona a or option b.

when i tell other people what i'm doing, involving you in my decision making, the first reaction is usually "are you crazy?" to which i normally answer "was it my shirt that says 'nucking futz' that gave it away?"

of course i'll bring this back to my naughty mind....for those who aren't familiar with the scene, it looks like the dominant is in control when in fact its the submissive who is always in control of the situation. the dom can only do what the sub empowers them to do, and the sub can stop it at any time. i am submissive to the decision that i empower you with. let's have some fun.

i'll be in vancouver in 90mins. w3rd!

hmmm...maybe technology doesn't like altitude or travelling. my ipod is frozen and won't play, neither is my backup 128meg mp3 player (it was free so i can't really complain). the satellite tvs on this plane are also not functioning. thank god the plane works, i hope. 90 mins without teknology....what's a geek like me to do? deal with it.

my best friend mel drove me to the airport. my sister joined us too. they were both convinced that my suitcase was over the 70lb limit. the fee for overweight baggage is $10 per pound! holy shit! when my bag was put on the scale, it weighed in at 74lbs. a $40+tax fee was about to be paid, but then the suitcase moved slightly on the scale, and it lost 5lbs! yup, i weighed in at 69lbs. schweet.

saying goodbye to mel was easy. she said friends don't say goodbye, we say "until we see each other again". thalia was a bit more emotionsl though. the tears were flowing like december rain in vancouver. i shed a few tears, but i think my body had very little tears left from the amount of crying i've been doing this past week. extreme sadnesss overwhelmed me this past week. saying goodbye to the incredible people i share my life with in toronto was beyond intense. moving all my shit out of my room was just as intense. there were times were i would just break down in the middle of my room and cry, scream, writhe in pain, yell...just let it out. just as graham, he saw it all. not too often do people see me so overwhelmed with confusion, frustration, and sadness. i couldn't control my tears.

the last time i wsa this overwhelmed with sadness was october 2003. i moved out of a great home i whared with my best friends michelle and naomi and moved into a place that was worse than any place i lived in at university. i don't know what i was thinking. did i also mention that i attended the funeral of a good friend the day of my move? she had taken her own life a week before. i was also convinced my roommate michelles was going to do the same thing as she didn't have a job or a place to move to one week before we were to move out of there.

i hated my new home and was trying to make sense of the first suicide of a close friend. tanya was the first woman to call me a playa to my face...and i was finally able to say "don't hate the playa, hate the game." i miss you tanya.

i was so upset and confused that it only took someone askin "hey norm, how are you?" to make me break down in tears. i learned some valuable lessons that fall. first, i learned that the only person who can tell you why they killed themself is not there to tell you. and even if they were they don't have to share shit with me. all i need to know is that i choose to be here, and my life is better having known those who may not be here anymore. the people who choose to be here are the ones most deserving of my time and strength.

but most ipmortantly i learned that i rule my own destiny. i have the ability to not only change how i think, i have the ability to act on those thoughts and make a difference. there are some things i can't change, and there are some things i can. so i moved out of my shitty home after six weeks and into the room that i lived in for the past two years.

i can change things. i have made a difference in this world.

satellite tv is now working on my flight. my 128meg mp3 player is also working. we are beginning our descent into vancouver.

breathe, life is what you make it.

~*+...normaste...*~