Sunday, December 10, 2006

~*...suck it bitches, you've been naughty...*~

randnorm sunday event in black rock city 2006

Frozen Otter Pops

Tuesday – Sunday
Come get your cool refreshing frozen otter pops from camp H2o dawgs. Beware of the water squirting puppies…Hosted by: Dynomutt/Camp-h2o dawgs @ Eager/Destinty and 8:30/9:00

photo by phil steele

randnorm mind grenade
i never believed in santa claus because i knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark. - dick gregory

randnorm pikcha

grinched jaundiced claus and tobacco stained santa, santacon 2005

randnorm video

santacon 2005 in toronto. i am the lightsaber wielding darth santa.

normdate 10.12.6

what a fun weekend. this town sure is growin on me.

on friday at work, the cube van i was driving broke down at a major on ramp. the transmission was gone. then the emergency lights weren't working either. good thing my boss was driving behind me, so i had some help with the broke down truck.

he gave me the keys to his ride and said that if he could get the truck started, i should drive his suv and follow him. my boss drives my dream automobile...

i can fit all my friends in there with snowboards and gear, and have german engineering to motor me to the mountain *sigh* now if only i could find a hundred grand to buy one.

i sat on the back of the truck and waited for the tow truck. it was a wierd feeling to bear the brung of negative feelings thrown at me by motorists who had to go around me. the least negativity came from other truckers, who empathised with my situation.

i felt like moses parting the red sea as the cars split to go around me.

i work with heidi at the shop. she has fabulous taste in shoes.

i taught snowboarding at c.o.p. on friday night after clearing up the beauracracy that prevented me from training with them the evening before. thanks linda. liam was sick, so i was able to volunteer my time to another student in the deaf group that needed an instructor. my studen'ts name was riley. he was deaf, mute, and had a prsothetic eye, so he had to wear goggles just in case he fell and his eye came out. no shit!

two instructors had called in sick, so it was riley and i on the hill alone. it was wierd teaching without using words. i don't know much sign language besides a few words and the alphabet. i taught by doing, showing by example...and this kid was determined to learn. he was awesome actually. teaching him and watching him progress was very rewarding.

anotnia, kristin's sister, on the hill.

riley was tired, so we ended our lesson early. that gave me a bit of time to shred the mountain before the hill closed. i ran into the sit ski group at the chairlift.

i have never seen a group of students more excited to be on the hill than the sit ski group. not being able to walk, this was their opportunity to go fast...and holy shit were they stoked to be there. not to mention that they get towed up the hill behind a snowmobile, hooray!

the parking lot of wheelchairs at the bottom of c.o.p.

me being a dorktron...el-wire everything! fukkin raver ;) the kidz liked it though.

the upper park was open, so i was stoked to make a few hits before the end of the evening.

once my evening teaching at c.o.p. was over, i linked up with my boy steve downtown at the marriot hotel where he was staying. it was awesome hanging with him. i think this was the frist time that steve and i actually hung out together, just us. i've been friends with steve for over 10 years, yet most of the times, actually all of the times we've hung out someone else (like his wife kate) was there. hanging with a good friend from home was exactly what my heart needed...the presence of someone i've known for years, to see my history in someone else's face. it was awesome.

my camera battery died, so no pix from friday night :( we made the quick two block jaunt to the hificlub for flashlight fridays.

steve is a pure junglist, and the most i had ever seen him dance was noddin his head and perhaps raising his fist once i a blue moon if the beats really moved him...until friday night. the groove, funk, and breaks at hifi and maybe my company, actually got steve groovin. wikkid!

after the club, we kicked it back at the hotel drinkin vodka 7z and catchin up. steve left early sat morning to cath his flight back to toronto, and i got a few more hours of rest before czechin out of the hotel through the television. automated digital checkout...schweet.

i hiked it over to my friend deamond's place about 15 blocks away from the hotel, and we spent the afternoon gettin ready for calgary's santa rampage! santacon reaches far across this world, even in the cspot.

inspired by a santa at my first santarchy in toronto 5 years ago, i decided to bring santa's kissing orange with me to santacon here in calgary. all i needed was an orange, cloves, and kissing instructions ;)

seeing as i couldn't really bring my lightsaber with me on the plane from toronto, i was without my usual red bladed weapon this year. but i did have a plastic samurai sword that i borrowed from my friend captain q, so i decided to macguyver some el-wire onto it so that is glowed. instead of darth santa, this year i was the last santurai.

my sign read "MERRY CLITORIS" and in small print "suck it bitches, you've been naughty" *mwahahahaha*

i helped with daemond's makeup and turned him into jack the pumpkin king from jack burton's movie masterpiece the nightmare before christmas.

we didin't have any black makeup, so we improvised and used red instead.

with a bag full of goodies to spread anarchist christmas cheer, and santa's kissing orange, the last santurai and jack skullington walked the streets of downtown calgary on our way to meet up with other calgary santas at the cinesphere.

my friend fred was already at the cinesphere rockin the the beard of the season and a raincoat. he was halifax santa. ha!

there were quite a few other santa's there as well, ready to rampage cowtown.

tweedle dee and tweedle do

santarzie and rough rider

santa bitch, santa with a nice box, and sporty claus

santa bitch was the first santa to receive the kissing orange. by the time we were ready to hit the next bar, the kissing orange had already come back to me. eggselent *mwah*

with almost 50 santa's in tow, our evening of santa rampaging moved on to a bar called the garage.

the garage didn't seem to want santa at their bar for some strange reason (perhaps the private function they were holdin in the back didn't want any anarchist cheer at their event). as confusion began to set in on whether as to whether or not we should stay, i walked up to the bar and said to the bartender "i'd like to buy two pints of honey brown. if you do not want my money, please tell me now so that i can go to a bar that does want my money." although they may not have wanted santa at the garage, they sure had no problem accepting santa's money. genius!

'tis the season to be lifted

santa even has his own sleigh.

next stop on santa's rampage was the good ol irish pub fionn mccools. i made sure to stay behind and wait for a few straggling santa's who had to use the little santa's room. no santa gets left behind - the last santurai

unfortunately there were no sheets of christmas scarols for us to sing from. i had thought of bringing printed out sheets of anarchist christmas scarols, but i made the assumption that there would be some already, and instead brought the kissing orange. next time i won't assume so much.

who's in charge? SANTA!
who organized this? SANTA!

actually, the organizer was st.dick-a-lass

st.dick-a-lass is all about the ho's

nice box

santa's drunken helper

who wants to go to the rippers? SANTA!!!

no pikchaz were allowed in the french maid, which i understand. so i'll just describe to you what happened inside. its seems like common practice here to throw loonies at the asses of strippers as they dance on stage in front of you...and the loonies actually stick to their asses!!! looks like dirty sticks to dirty. in america they throw dollar bills, in canada we throw loonies. its different up here in canada, eh?

santorganizer and goth santa

as if santa could ever have enough tits and ass, but the next bar awaited. the destination was a club called tantra. it was pretty empty in there, that is until santa arrived.

these naughty stickers went over really well. you could always tell where santa had been.

next on santa's pub list was the infamous cowboys nightclub. its the most fun you can have with your boots on. kristin refuses to go there, so it was good that she decided to stay home this weekend and study for her final exam. holy shit! just going to the cowboys website blasted country music so loud on my laptop that i had to cover it with a pillow to muffle the extreme volume! then in my attempt to turn the volume down, banging away at keys on my laptop, i somehow initiated my system to shut down. *grrr* stupid cowboys.

turns out that our group of santas were not at cowboys just yet (i had stayed behind at tantra to make sure no santa got left behind). so i took a pik with the doorman and headed to caeley's pub.

caeley's was just down the street from cowboys. i arrived to find santa spreadin holiday cheer at the bar and on the dancefloor.

by this time, we had been drinking non stop for about 8 hours, and santa was sleighed. i could barely finish my drink, and started consuming water.

the last santurai, stacy rae and halifax santa

we finally made it to cowboys and it didn't take me long to realize why kristin has such a hate on for this place. first off, i've never been to a bar where there were so many people wearin cowboy hats (of the non fun fur variety). its common knowledge in this city that cowboys club will pay for their female employees to get boobjobs if they sign a contract to work there for few years.

this club was pretty big, but the dancefloor wasn't that busy until santa got there. it only took the dj playing "santa claus is comin to town" to get all of us santas onto the dancefloor.

what got me off the dancefloor was a the barrage of country music that the dj began to play. the dancfloor turned into one big pit of line dancing. i ain't shittin you. the whole dancefloor was bumpin to the same beat in all its line dancing glory.

i didn't know what to do with myself, until my friend lisa said to just follow what everyone else is doing. i can only imagine what this place must be like during the calgary stampede.

despite being in an unfamiliar environment, full of cowboys and country music, i ended up having a great time at cowboys. it wasn't so bad when you're with a bunch of santas. but it was a majikal creature named jessie q that made my night so memorable. she had come with a friend who was dressed up as santa but didn't join our santa caravan until we hit cowboys.

this little goddess was radiant and dressed in the most fantastic hooded outfit.

it turns out that she is also a contact juggler and knows my good friend dawn. i know you're readin this...hi dawn!

someone had given jessie q the kissing orange. she was using it as her sphere to contact juggle with on the dance floor. too daam cute. i was honoured when she gave the kissing orange to me. the orange had made its way back to me many times throughout the evening, but kissing jessie was by far my favourite kiss of the nigh...especially later when no orange was necessary to kiss her *g*

two dreaded santas, the last santurai and santarzie

as fun as cowboys, country music, and line dancing was, we had one more stop to make. our final destination was the whiskey nightclub.

jessie q wasn't joining us at the whiskey, so we said our goodbyes. if you're readin this jessie q, i really hope i get to see you again.

the whiskey was your typical top 40 club packed with hundreds of people doing top 40 club things...with a bunch of santas of course. its great that santa didn't have to pay cover anywhere, or wait in line. nice work st.dick-a-lass!

hooray, no orange necessary.

completely sleighed, i took a break (read hid out in the corner and almost passed out), only to be roused by another santa. i told him i was pretty much toast to which he replied "that means its time for a tequila shot!" santa, you bastard! that shot nearly killed me. thank god for the water chaser.

little by little, the santas began to disappear as they called it an evening. by the time the music stopped and the lights came on, it was jack the pumpkin king, santa fez and the last santurai left standing.

we walked back to daemond's place, wishing everyone we ran into on the street a merry clitoris and giving out whatever candy we had left in our santa bag of goodies.

we even stopped outside of twisted element, calgary's gay club. coming out was hard enough. going out shouldn't be.

i ran into two fabulous trannies outside of the club.

i had met these two before, three years ago here in calgary at a club called detours. there aren't that many trannies here in town, and these two ladies aren't that easily forgotten.

it felt good to finally arrive at deamond's place and fall over...but not before celebratin 4:20 with his neighbours. what an awesome night of santa rampaging through the city.

i woke up today at 4pm, and was completely broken. *ouch* what a night. i downloaded all the pix from the evening and began trying to put the pieces of wikkid night on the town together. santa, something something, boozeahol, something something, cowboy hats and boob jobs, something something, majikal elven goddess, something something, trannies, bed, hangover.

to see more pix of santarchy 2k6 in the cspot, czech out my pikcha archive here.

kristin drove down to grab dae and i, and we met up with our friend kevin and his family at a restaurant called bookers. happy birthday kevin.

its the most wonderful time of the year...ouch, my head.